Early reports saying that VP Dick Cheney's heart has been shocked back into rhythm were erroneous, doctors now report. Cheney was found, upon reexamination, to have no heart at all. Doctors now say that Cheney is really a space alien from another planet and is intent on conquering earth.
President Bush has been informed of the doctors' findings but is said to have dismissed them with a wave of his hand, and a shrug saying, "we all have to come from somewhere. Dick just happens to come from Mordor. " In other news, Condi Rice has postponed her annual physical checkup with the same group of doctors.
No, really. I believe it.
If anyone ever comes up with an "essence detector", they'd find that Cheney is also soulless.