Permit our universities to clog the brain drain - my next brilliant idea to bring pride to Toledo

I hope you all read the article about me and my wonderful idea to stop the brain drain in the Toledo area. On Wednesday, 5:30 PM, I am gathering the young of Toledo to network with the groups I choose downtown at the Erie Street Market (the Market I restored). This is such a wonderful opportunity to become educated and to understand the pride of Toledo.

You can read about my wonderful plan at:

Yes I know there is a group called EPIC, but that group is run by the Chamber of Commerce. We need a group of young professionals organized under the City, because we can trust the city government. Besides, can you trust a group organized by Brian Epstein? His group-CitiFest -put my Erie Street Market in peril by wasting its money, and the Chamber is so backward, they were against the ambulance service and the tow lot. We don't need any of that thought in our young.

But little did I know the way to stem the brain drain was much easier than I thought. To my surprise I read:

The late Patrick McGuire, a UT sociology professor and executive director of the center who authored the study, said if a city could keep someone for three years after graduation, "you almost always have them for life."

The study found those with master's degrees, doctorates, and professional degrees are 50 percent more likely to leave Ohio than those with bachelor's degrees.

I am going to have Bobby draft a new ordinance and send it to council. Forget about painted windows and registries, I have a brilliant idea to keep our brains here. My goal will be to clog the drain if you will.

We need to license our universities. The national accreditation for universities is NOT ENOUGH to stop our young from leaving. We have been complaining about our young for many years now and NOTHING IS WORKING. The only way we can have a say on clogging the drain is by issuing permits for higher learning in our wonderful city.

Our young continue to leave. In order for a university to operate within city limits they will need to apply for a permit on an annual basis. The requirements to get the permit will be the following:

1. The universities can only offer undergraduate degrees. Research has shown if our young do not receive graduate degrees, they are more likely to stay.
2. In order to receive a permit, universities will also need to keep its students in the Toledo area for 3 years. I don't care what it takes, lock them in their dorms, put them so far in debt they can't afford to leave, who cares. We must get it done for the sake of the City of Toledo. THE RESEARCH IS CLEAR - if we can keep our brains for 3 years, they will remain here and become a part of Toledo Pride.

By permitting our universities, we can finally get a grip on our brain drain and I would have been the one to come up with such a creative way to do it. I cannot believe I did not come up with this idea before. It is so easy. Imagine all the good it will do.

Yours truly,
Mayor of the "most livable city"
A business friendly "city of the future"

No votes yet

However, putting students into bigger debt will only impel them to seek jobs with greater pay, hence meaning they'll leave Toledo all the faster (due to the lack of such compensation around here).

Hidden in all this farce is the truth of the matter: Without prosperous jobs to keep people here, they will leave. This is more so for the young, who tend to be free to move at that time of their lives.

Czarty can't do anything about the flight of capital, except to lower tax rates to attract businesses back into the area. Of course, that will lower his "take", hence shrink his tiny empire, and so that largely won't happen ... since as a politician he is 50% driven by ego (and the remaining 50% is fear). Instead, we'll have the opposite occur; he'll increase taxes (in both quantities) upon those who remain. Since those who remain are incrementally less powerful, they become less able to resist the predations of a government. It seems inevitable at this point.

Anyone who indulges in self-honesty can see that the LAST thing Czarty wants is educated people. Educated people can see right through his bullshit, and they tend to have some backbone, so in addition they'll resist his efforts to turn Toledo into an actual Barony, with Baron Carleton Finkbeiner the First riding out astride his metal steed to surveye all his Landes and ye Peoples thereof who Toil 'pon it such that he getteth his daily Bread fromme such Provenance, or something equally regressive.

Really, think it through. How does Czarty deal with ANYONE who is smart and assertive?

...that's terrific!!! Love the parody...especially the licensing aspect

GZ - help, help I'm being repressed! See the oppression inherent in the system!!!

Delicious, youthful brains!!! Don't let them escape!!!

- When there is no more room on the 22nd floor, the dead will walk the earth.

- When there is no more room on the 22nd floor, the dead will walk the earth.

Wow talk about utterly stupid. Carty is going to ask those "young professionals" what to do in order to get them to stay here.

Well let's see, they already have jobs here so they're probably not going to go anywhere.

Instead let's take a walk over to UT's campus and ask actual students what it will take to get them to stay here.

Oh wait that's right. We don't want to incorporate UT's students into Toledo life. We want them to stay on campus and not leave until their time there is done.



Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.