A smile or two for the holiday season...maybe even one or more lol?

Tagged:  

A friend of mine sends me jokes 5 days a week. He, obviously, has found a website for these. I try to read through them every day. Sometimes I fall a little bit behind. I will NOT post these here a lot. This may be the only time. Things do get a little heavy on this site, and, having read through this post from some time ago, I found it to be funny and tasteful. ENJOY!!

Working for a pediatrician calls for stifling a chuckle from time to time.

When a frantic mother phoned to tell us her baby had a high temperature of
102, we had to know whether she was taking the reading under the arm,
in the mouth or elsewhere. So we asked, "How are you taking it?"

Her reply: "Oh, I'm holding up pretty well!"
*********************************************************************************
Mr. Johnson had been waiting entirely too long at the doctor's office.  
His appointment was for 9:00 and it was nearly 10:30.  Finally, an
attractive nurse appeared at the waiting room door and said, "Let's
go get a room."

"Honey, I appreciate the offer," he said, "but I've been waiting so
long I'd hate to lose my spot now!"
**********************************************************************************
A disgruntled customer returned to our store a few days after she had bought a
cordless phone from me. She demanded her money back. "What seems to be wrong
with it?" I asked.

"It cuts out every time I get about two or three blocks away from my house,"
she replied.

"Perhaps," I suggested, "I could interest you in a cellular phone instead?"
**********************************************************************************
My husband snores so loud the people in my dreams complain they can't hear each other talk.
***********************************************************************************
Everyone is looking for equality.  Trouble is, most want to be more equal than the next guy.
**************************************************************************************
Police estimate that the French rioters have torched about 1,300 cars in the past week...
that's just an estimate because it's hard to tell the difference between a completely
wrecked car and a Peugeot. (Jake Novak)
*****************************************************************************************
A new study shows that women actually enjoy a good joke more than men do...
which explains how we get so many women to agree to marry us.  (Jake Novak)
*****************************************************************************************
A man and his wife are sitting in the living room and
he says to her: "Just so you know, I never want to
live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine.
If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

So his wife gets up and unplugs the TV.
*****************************************************************************************
Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that
her back was really sore from moving furniture.

"Why didn't you wait till your husband got home?"
someone asked.

"I could," my mother told the group, "but the couch is
easier to move if he's not on it."
********************************************************************
My phone bill was past due and I needed to change my
service, so I had to visit the local telephone office.
The line wasn't clearly formed, and there was an old
man with a cane nearby me.

It was unclear as to who was next.

When we got to the front of the line, the man gestured
to me and said, "After you."

I smiled at him and said, "No, please, after you. I
have all day."

The old man said, "No. You go ahead. My doctor says I
have at least six months."
*********************************************************************
Q. There are 10 types of people in the world.

A. Those that know binary and those that don't.
*********************************************************************
Q. What do you call a camel with no humps?

A. Humphrey
*********************************************************************
The government will be requiring new food labels that
are more specific.  Products will now be labeled, "no
fat", "low fat", "reduced fat "; and "fat, but with a
great personality."
*********************************************************************
A baby penguin walks into a bar and says to the bar man,
"Have you seen my dad?"

The barman says, "What does he look like?"
*********************************************************************

No votes yet

LOL, funny stuff there Dale!

Hope I didn't offend anyone!

Glad I gave you a reason to smile, Donnahoney!

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.