Funny Story - an email from an employee of Holland Benefits Group of Maumee

I got a disturbing e-mail today from a company called Holland Benefits Group After a little checking I found out they are located in Maumee and they are some kind of insurance group. I called them at 419-866-0717 and spoke with someone named "Mike" who told me the boss/manager was in Jamaica. I wanted to explain about the e-mail and especially the lack of intelligence exhibited by someone sending this type of e-mail on company letterhead. I got nowhere. "Mike" wasn't interested even though this reflects poorly on the company which is Holland Benefits Group in Maumee. There's not much I could do with "Mike" who seemed anxious to get to a meeting so I'll just let anyone who reads the blog know that Holland Benefits Group in Maumee has no problem with their employees sending out e-mails like this :
"Hey, CENSORADOLPH, Mike , wanted me to straighten you out .I said Mike, this walking pig faced poof AIN'T ,worth 4 minutes of my time. His head is a LIPOMA !! His ,odor wreaks through the airwaves ! So, he promised me lunch . I, had Mike's son, Chris', wedding invitation also.However, I left it on my desk at home. Notice any ' i's , in his last name. Mike, visited the discussion on the web about this. His belief is that ,it was about as boorish , as the drive to work nonstop moaning, groaning, and menstrual anguish ,your rants are. Do you think I agreed with him ? Eat some bacon for me and then, shake the clabber from your brain! You don't read or listen very well. Adios twink. Prof. PIRA , U.of Penn. "
Pretty funny huh?


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I can't believe ol' Coonie is still fuming over the "i" vs. "e" in the Wholehan-Wholihan debate. That was over a month ago, and I had completely forgotten about it.

What a tool. Even when I suggested that both Fred and Mike could be correct - that there might indeed be two different families with very similar last names - he STILL wouldn't back down or let the thing go.

Gad. Can you imagine living in the same house or working in the same office as someone this obnoxious?


so someone who writes that poorly is really concerned about whether or not a name was spelled correctly??

I hope someone takes the time to follow up with this guy's boss if he's using the company's name to send emails publicly. My insurance is very important to me, and I spent a lot of time searching for the right person to handle my business.

I sure as heck would NEVER do business with anyone who's writing skills, punctuation and grammar are that poor. Insurance forms are VERY specific. Any little mistake will kick it out and deny. I dont want anyone with that poor a capacity for the english language to be filling out anything for me - If he spends as little time in proofreading the claim forms he's filling out as he does with writing emails, I'd be very concerned that I would either have my claim denied, or be billed for something that's not due me.

No, if I were the boss, I'd sure want to know how the electronic systems that Im paying for are being used, as it reflects back on the company!

Apparently Micheal 'Mike' Coon has had charges leveled against him. Here's a link to a legal brief filed again Mr. Coon for harasing a Amhed Hussain for 'religous and national origin.' Apparently in repeated emails he called Mr. Hissain a 'sword of Allah's dog' and 'a person of middle eastern people.' Sounds like nut job to me.

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that email is REALLY REALLY weird. did you ever work with these people before? almost comes across like spam.. or maybe they were drunk when they sent it? either way.. yikes!

The email is from local lunatic Mike Coon, aka Phakit Mann/John Law on this board. Coonie got into trouble last year when his emails and phone calls crossed the line into harassment, though a judge later dismissed the charges citing protected political speech.

Coon has a looong history of targeting people who write letters to the editor at the Toledo Blade. His basic tactic is to seek out their home phone numbers and launch into a tirade about how the letter writers are Communists, socialists, terrorists, terrorist-appeasers, or pedophiles.

As some folks know, Coon actually owns the employee benefits company mentioned above. The fact that he answered his own phone when Fred called probably means he is running a pretty small person operation, not the 16 employees some of the business info websites report (which, of course, are dependent upon self-reported information Coon likely supplied in some trade magazine survey).

As for the writing: Coon always writes in this strange, disconnected, poorly-composed style. That's why it is so easy to recognize him when he pops up here with a new user name after he gets banned for obscenities or personal attacks on this and other sites.


no kidding! i havent been paying much attention to him.. and havent really been on this board a ton until recently. thats some scary shit! total insanity. and super bad business practices for him personally

when I wrote my post earlier HM I didn't notice you caught on right away as to who it was...

'Coon has a looong history of targeting people who write letters to the editor at the Toledo Blade. His basic tactic is to seek out their home phone numbers and launch into a tirade about how the letter writers are Communists, socialists, terrorists, terrorist-appeasers, or pedophiles.'

If this thread serves no other purpose, this paragraph underscores the utter ridiculousness of the tendency of some on this site to demean and devalue the comments of those who don't post under their 'real name.'

You know who you are. And you are wrong.

I'm glad you're not cluttering up this board like Steve Powers has done lately with nonsensical jibberish that's of value to virtually nobody...

Hey, it almost sounds 'Phakit Mannish', especially the reference to 'eat some bacon for me', but he left out 'you gob of goo.' (he'd be referring to you, of course).

The odd thing is you would think that the owner of Holland Benefits Group in Maumee would know better than to use company letterhead. You know when you Google a company name lots of references show up. I can't imagine that Holland Benefits Group in Maumee will be pleased when people google the name Holland Benefits Group and find them showing up on Swampbubbles. Good luck Holland Benefits Group.

Any statement I make is the opinion of me exercising my first amendment right to freedom of speech. Freedom of speech in the United States is protected by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution and is generally permitted.

Fred has a great idea on how to deal with this twerp. I suggest that every time Coonie misbehaves, we hyperlink to the current Swampbubbles thread about Mike Coon and the Holland Benefits Group so that his activities using the Holland Benefits Group time and computers rise higher in Google rankings.

Personally, I am not sure I would want my company to do business with Mike Coon and the Holland Benefits Group if Coonie spends his day at work writing harassing blog posts and emails to people he hates.

Besides, the Holland Benefits Group of Toledo and Northwest Ohio probably faces many of the same difficulties most companies face in the current recession. Perhaps Mike Coon of Toledo, Ohio should rethink how he spends his workday at the Holland Benefits Group of Holland, Ohio.

two on the press release e-mail address. I guess some of their employees must post here too:

Even when not on the site
I generate the most responses, often from the same old, 3 or 4 leftist crybabies !!! I love it...the screamers, haters, and disgusting pig faced jackasses STILL, cannot LIVE without me.You cannot comprehend how greatly this satisfies me and everyone here !!! You miserable leftist hypocrites NEVER, EVER fail to bring a day-long smile to my face.The best is from the road rager who psychotically went berserk in front of his son !! Liberals always melt down at the most inappropriate times !!! ALWAYS !! Hypocrites never, ever, understand THEMSELVES. I LOVE IT BIG TIME !!!

Drooling still PAVLOV ? You eat dung also ,RIGHT ??!!
It is as easy as anything to get you poofs slobbering....I even bet Capt.Moses , EXACTLY what would happen and, thanks to you ...I get a free lobster dinner tonight for the WHOLE FAMILY !!! TARGET FRIENDLY- TARGET RICH enviroment you scum provide !! I , STILL can make any of you vomit eaters do ANYTHING I DEMAND !!! And the smiles keep on a coming !!! I truly cannot wipe the smile from my hopeless deranged bacteria are making this FRIDAY very, very, VERY ..MEMORABLE !!! By the by, we never do business with liberals...they are way too ...UNCHARITABLE and very,very STUPID !! Recall, Billary Clinton donating used UNDERWEAR !! And besides , most are on welfare !!

Wow. Just ... wow. The Clinton years must have made these kinds of folks deeply insane. (Hey, don't blame me; I voted for H. Ross Perot.)

Imagine living your life as a self-involved sociopath, digging for hours into the market of your chosen line of work, trying to eke out a living, and hating Liberals for everything that goes wrong. Naturally, your radio is tuned to Rush Limbaugh religiously, whether you're at the office or warehouse, or in the car, or at your house.

And imagine further that you never, EVER question what the Republicans are doing, despite having become the same party of big spenders as the Democrats.

I just noticed that Mr. Coon referenced a post I wrote about my own experience with road rage. I never knew that I held such a cherished place in the mind of Mike Coon. Strange, though, that Coon should be fixated on the time I exited my car to confront some lunatic who followed me and my teenaged for several miles, especially when Michael Coon pled guilty in 2002 to Aggravated Asault and Attempted Intimidation of a Witness, which are fourth degree felonies. The terms of his 3-year sentence to community control to avoid prison were as follows:

1) Defendant to seek and maintain gainful employment;
2) No direct or indirect contact with the victim;
3) Defendant to submit to random urinalysis;
4) Defendant to pay a fine of $2,500.00;
5) Defendant to pay restitution; and
6) Defendant is to be screened for a Mental Health Program if deemed appropriate.

It is interesting that Coonie thinks that referencing my post will somehow embarass me ("road rager who psychotically went berserk in front of his son"). On the contrary: I own up to my failings, and I occasionally devote lengthy essays to bad decisions I have made over the course of my life. In a way, I embrace my past mistakes, because I know that I have successfully worked hard to be a better person.

Part of this habit is due to my training as a historian and a journalist: I obsessively seek to present truth in my writing, even when it puts me in a less-than-favorable light. While I hold political opinions and philosophical beliefs, I avoid letting these influence my work.

I also find the process of self-criticism to be therapeutic, like exorcising a demon. By writing about proverbial closet skeletons, I find that they lose their power to trouble me.

Finally, I write about my because I want to advise others not to follow some of the life paths I chose over the years. For example, I wrote a post last year about my experiences with heavy drinking, another about owning a struggling business, a post about bankruptcy, or how I once cursed God for my troubles.

Anyways, Mr. Coon, I am very much at peace with my own poor life decisions and my efforts to live a better life. I hope that you find some peace of your own to quell the urges you have to harass people via email and the telephone.

I'd forgotten all about that post, HistoryMike. I noted the final comment by Susan N., who ever she may be, and briefly regretted not seeing it in time to post a little flame bait. Oh, well, another opportunity lost...

Note the reference to the mental health evaluation for Mike Coon. This tends to support my theory about medications, yes?

Mad Jack
Mad Jack's Shack

After submitting Swambubbles to Google for a site review (which updates the information Google uses to produce its logarithm-based page rankings), a search for the term Holland Benefits Group Toledo (no Boolean modifiers like quotation marks) now puts this thread at the #3 overall search result:

Let's go, Toledo! Make Holland Benefits Group #1! Rah, rah, sis-boom-bah!

What the heck is WRONG with people like Mike Coon? They either end up in politics or union jobs due to an alcoholic abrasiveness, or they end up as small-business owners since they can't take any orders or even assistance from (or get along with) anyone else.

Thank you one and all. And especially thanks to the Holland Benefits Group of Maumee. Now someone please tell me how to do those links and that cool thing with the Google pic. I have been trying to figure that out for months.

Any statement I make is the opinion of me exercising my first amendment right to freedom of speech. Freedom of speech in the United States is protected by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution and is generally permitted.

I believe Holland Benefits Group of Maumee is at the top now.
That was cool to watch.

submitting his emails to the police? hasnt he gotten in trouble for harrassment in the past?

Here is a simple graphic I designed on hyperlinking text, which alerts Google and other search engines to the keywords you link and gives them greater search result power:

Use the first method. The "no follow" tag is when you want to link pages without getting Goole Page Rank sucked away, which is more for people trying to boost their own website PRs.

For an image, just use the following code:

(LESS THAN SYMBOL)img src="url of the picture"(GREATER THAN SYMBOL)


Any statement I make is the opinion of me exercising my first amendment right to freedom of speech. Freedom of speech in the United States is protected by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution and is generally permitted.

Judging from his writing, I think it's likely that Mike Coon may be mentally ill and not taking his medication with any regularity - which is pretty sad.

Of course I could be all wrong about that and Mike Coon is just another crazy trolling idiot. Sort of like what's his name.

Mad Jack
Mad Jack's Shack

his middle name is "Edward". bwahahaha

Mike Coon is just another lemming that the democrats pray for to reinforce the fact that the Republicans are a delusional and disconnected bunch of freaks".

what a puss-wa

in on the press release e-mail address. Apparently this employee at Holland Benefits Group in Holland sent more e-mails:


Hey, you weepy, whiny , B.O.,sycophants ( and road ragers who display lunatic,melt-down,berserk, behavior in front of their son ) are KILLING our businesses !!!!! JUST KIDDING JUST KIDDING vile scum ENHANCE IT.... BIG TIME !!!! Just like your fellow traveler at the Toledo Blade did. Our clients KNOW very well, liberals are all simply PIGS, at the trough...feeding off of the efforts of the productive . And, all of our clients are real Americans', not putrid haters of America .In fact, we are negotiating right now with a STATE , Triple AAA , pension fund rollover to us. Do you think any of this emesis,is bothering our client? HARDLY !! He is a fellow alumnus from UP -BABEE !! He is their C.F.O.,and we are long time mates. Our dilemma is...should we take a 7 % fee for rolling over $90 million ( it was $115 million before B.O.) and 1 % thereafter or, should we take 3% each year for the next three years ,1% therafter ? What would one of you children choose? Thank you so much ,you debased , repulsive, heathens NEVER , EVER fail to make me smile ...all day long......


Post it all-we are having a great time here on a dreary Friday !!

Our clients are impervious to the slander you and, your fellow travelers are spewing ! Censors, never can comprehend just how inconsequential they truly are.Free speech is abhorrent to you debased heathens !! This blog is about as pertinent ,as your Pavlovian Marxist friend is berserk oriented on the road ...and we all are STILL smiling like Cheshire cats !! See you vile scum at the beach.....
I can't believe that the company would let people send such things on work time.

...state employee retirement fund. If these are the kind of jackals they find to invest someone's retirement, then those retirees and employees are really being done a disservice. From his writing, he seems to have only contempt for those who work for, and retirement from, government service. I suppose he will have no ethical problem destroying their pension funds while taking his cut.

Old South End Broadway

That worked wonderfully. Not once did he post, and the e-mails to me stopped at 5

Any statement I make is the opinion of me exercising my first amendment right to freedom of speech. Freedom of speech in the United States is protected by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution and is generally permitted.

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