Australian Broadcasing Co. game calculates when you should die



SYDNEY, June 6, 2008 ( - Dying to save the planet?
The Australian Broadcasting Company (ABC) has spent countless carbons
building a website to let all human beings guilty of contributing
carbon dioxide to global warming know how long they deserve to live and
what they can do to "live forever."

Australia's ABC has unveiled the "PlanetSlayer" site, which the
Aussie network calls the "first irreverent environmental website"
featuring the cartoon eco-heroine "Greena the Worrier Princess" - a
red-haired peacenik tree-hugger accompanied by her trusty canine
sidekick - and lets people know how much of a blight they are on the

the dirt on greenhouse without the guilt trips," the site proudly
proclaims. "Just fun and games and the answers to all your
enviro-dilemas [sic] ... Use our greenhouse calculator to find out when
you should die!"

"Professor Schpinkee's greenhouse calculator" allows people figure
out "how your CO2 production compares to the Average Aussie greenhouse
pig, and to an environmentally-sustainable greenhouse 'pig.'" Once a
person answers all 10 questions, he can click on the
skull-and-crossbones to know when he should die "so you don't use more
than your fair share of the earth's resources."

Situated between an "Aussie pig" generating 24.6 tonnes of CO2 and
the "green pig" generating 3.0 tonnes of CO2, a player can figure out
who should live and who should die at what age depending on their use
of the planet's resources or more accurately their total carbon usage.

Playing the game will let you know that ABC believes the average
working class Aussie should die at 9 years of age for consuming too
much of earth's resources. The eco-pig, however, "should die at age

A rough estimate of CO2 usage of an ordinary family provider, who is
unable to make "eco-friendly" investments because he needs to support
his family, shows that he will have used up his share of the earth's
resources by 2.7 years. Third-world inhabitants would average between
25-30 years before their time was up.

However, the calculator offers the secret to living forever without
having to give up anything that emits CO2, like private jets,
gas-guzzling SUVs, and the hot air of endless environmental
conventions. The "green calculator" shows that all one has to do is
consume material resources with abandon, but have enough wealth to
invest in environmentally friendly businesses to go negative with
carbon usage.

Unfortunately those unable to invest, including the working class
and poor of rich nations obsessed with global warming must radically
alter their standard of living, despite having no real chance of
deserving to live more than 30 years, even in destitution.

Those interested in perusing the site can watch episodes of "Greena"
and play the Planet Slayer game as "X-ON" in order to slay the planet
or as the red-haired olive-drab Greena to save the planet. Winning a
level as Greena shows a clip of Greena and her dog chained to a tree
shouting "never surrender!" Winning at "slay the planet" lets gamers
watch X-ON spray Greena in the face with chemicals. Gamers should be
warned that excessive game-play uses up precious carbons and reduces
the time they deserve to live on Earth according to the site's global
warming "greenhouse" standards.

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